Success

Sunday Service Discussion Notes for November 4th and 18th, 2012

For two weeks we discussed the subject of Success, as we referred to chapter 8 of Perceptions, a book written by UMS founder Damien Simpson. 

We started this discussion with a quote from the chapter of Perceptions that deals with Success:

"Happiness usually requires that we change our definition of success."

Society trains to accept a certain definition of success: having money, owning a house, having a “respectable” career, raising children, owning cars, taking yearly vacations, being beautiful, being famous. We agreed that we should ask ourselves why we want these things. The question was posed to the group: “Have you ever found yourself striving toward something because you wanted to appear successful to others?” Many members said that this was so.

When talking about the myth of the perfect life in his book, Meditation for Dummies, author Stephen Bodian was quoted as saying:

“In my years as a psychotherapist and meditation teacher, I’ve noticed that many people suffer because they compare their lives to some idealized image of how life is supposed to be. Cobbled together from childhood conditioning, media messages, and personal desires, this image lurks in the shadows and becomes the standard to which every success or failure, every circumstance or turn of events, is compared and judged. … Whatever your version of the perfect life - perfect vacations, perfect sex, perfect health, even perfect peace of mind or total freedom from all tension and stress - you pay a high price for holding such high expectations. When life fails to live up to those expectations, as it inevitably does, you end up suffering and blaming yourself. … If only you had made more money, spent more time at home, been a better lover, gone back to school, lost those extra pounds…the list is endless. No matter how you slice it, you just don’t measure up.”

Letting the definition of success come from without (rather than within) can cause us to feel like we will never achieve success, or be worthy. And example was given in the now clichéd TV and movie plotlines involving a high school reunion where the main character decides to lie about their current career or achievements because they are worried about impressing their former classmates. These protagonists were allowing other people to define success for them, whether it reflected their personal desires or not.

image credit: shmilysgoods.com

Stephen Bodian also writes: "As the Buddhists say, suffering is wanting what you don’t have and not wanting what you do have." The group agreed that meditation could be one technique that would help us learn to focus on the present moment instead of always worrying about what how to achieve future goals.

An entry from the Tiny Budda blog was presented to the group, as writer Jake O’Callaghan discussed the myth that being obsessed with success will bring it (and happiness) into your life. The author relates how he had taken some advice that said he should want success as badly as a drowning person wants air, and shows how his single-minded pursuit of success causes him to be stressed out and unable to enjoy life. He says that at one time he thought, “Once I became successful, I would be happy, right?” He then discusses how he was able to turn his downward spiral around by letting go of his expectations and being present to do the things that excite him here and now. This caused him to be far more successful than the original, more stressful path.

Another example of a way to be present was given from the book, How to Stop Worrying and Start Living, where there was a chapter devoted to “Living in Day Tight Compartments.” Our lives were compared to large ships, which have water-tight compartments that can be sealed off quickly in the event that the ship sustains damage and begins to take on water. This compartmentalizing restricts the flooding to one small area and allows the ship to remain afloat. If we live each day for itself, treating a 24 hour period like it is a sealed off compartment, we can keep our lives afloat as well. It is only when we begin to worry and focus on all of our past problems and future worries that we “flood” the show structure of our life and allow stress to “sink” us.

We discussed how we can become very wrapped up in the procession of life, always looking to the next milestone and not enjoying the view from out current plateau. Essayist Logan Pearsall Smith was quoted as saying:

 "There are two things to aim at in life: first, to get what you want, and after that, to enjoy it. Only the wisest of mankind achieve the second." 

The group was asked how well do you think they enjoy the things that you have earned? Their house? Their car? Is their high paying job making a difference in the level of joy they experience versus their first job as a waiter or cashier?

image credit: blogs.longhollow.com

Comedian Greg Fitzsimmons has a bit where he says of himself and his wife, “As a single couple, we are no longer able to hang around with married couples 'cause they cannot be in our presence without getting very annoying. It's always like, 'So, when are you guys getting married? Huh? When are you getting married? When are you guys getting married?!' I dunno, you're married -- when are you gonna die? You're already married, death will be next. When are you gonna die? Because that’s the next step” Through the humor he makes a serious point when he goes on to say that fear plays a key part in the choices we make. We are afraid, don’t know what to do, so we create institutions (like marriage and careers) to help herd us through life. When we come to a crossroads, we can be afraid to make a decision, and maybe we use society’s goalposts to make a choice for us instead of using our own judgment. If we’re afraid, others can make our choices for us.

We also discussed the need to spend more time counting our blessings. We agreed that most of us do not place nearly enough value on what we already have, and may take for granted the great gifts we live with each day. We were asked to think about how much money we would take to give up some of the things we take for granted. Would you take $20 million for your right hand? How about $1 billion? What about your eyes? Your spouse, children? We were reminded that many of the things we already possess are priceless.

Many hands were raised when the group was asked who would admit to spending at least some time during the previous week fretting over things they lacked. We find ourselves complaining while we enjoy abundance.

All agreed that wealth does not ensure happiness. We chase things we don’t need without taking time to ask how the end result is going to make us feel. It was also notes that our failures can open the door to something new, and that we don’t have to let failures cause use to give up our passions. We have a choice to either get back on the horse, but also take the time to ask ourselves if this path (getting back on the horse) is what we really want to do.

We concluded our discussion with a reading from Perceptions to remind us that if we want to be a success, we would be better off not dwelling on our failures:

“Mutt and Jeff were two rats used in a behavior experiment. They were both champion swimmers, not normal behavior for this species of life. One night Mutt got caught in the wheel of his cage. He struggled all night to get free, to no avail. The technician found Mutt and freed him. The video tape kept on the cage revealed what had happened to him. Well, they gave Mutt a rest, but when the time came to resume the experiment, Mutt would not swim. Mutt just plain gave up. One traumatic experience and he forgot that he was a champion swimmer. Did you forget, so to speak, that you are a champion swimmer?”

image credit: neuralwiki.org

Faith

Sunday Service Discussion Notes for October 28 and November 4, 2012

For two weeks we discussed the subject of Faith, as we referred to chapter 7 of Perceptions, a book written by UMS founder Damien Simpson.

We reviewed some definitions of the word Faith:

• A strong or unshakable belief in something, especially without proof or evidence
• Trust in God, and in His actions and promises
• A conviction of the truth of certain doctrines of religion, especially when they are not based on reason
• Confidence or trust in a person
• Any set of firmly held principles
• Allegiance or loyalty, as to a cause or person

image credit: notsalmon.com

As a group, we asked the question, “What is faith?” and we arrived at four different types of faith that we could immediately recognize:

• Blind Faith
• Child-like Faith
• Experiential Faith
• Spiritual Faith

Blind faith, we discussed, is a faith that is not based on proof. The expression “Faith is blind” means that we will accept information or ideas at the word of another without evidence. Some people believe that God will provide for them regardless of empirical evidence that this is so.

Child-like faith appeared to us to be an innate trust (found typically, as the name suggests, in children) that we will be taken care of. We noted that child-like faith can be destroyed when ideals are not met in the real world, such as when a parent fails to protect a child from harm. This requires the faith to be rebuilt over time, and when this is not possible, it may now look more like the next type of faith we discussed: Experiential faith.

Experiential faith is that which is based on experience, proof, or a high probability that events will unfold in a specific way. This type of faith is not innate, but built up by the individual via their history of experiences. Many people feel most comfortable with this type of faith because they know that there is evidence to support it. They are able to have faith that the Sun will come up every day, because it has come up every day in past.

image credit: store.moa.byu.edu

One participant gave an example of this type of faith by relating the story of “The Miracle of the Gulls”, in which the first Mormon pioneers to the Salt Lake City area of Utah experienced in 1848 a devastating onslaught of insect pests (now known as the Mormon Cricket, a type of katydid) that was quickly destroying their crops. According to some pioneers’ accounts, a hoard of seagulls arrived at that time and began to prey upon the invading insects, and ultimately their crops were saved. This story is used as an example within the Mormon faith as a real life proof that God will take care of them.

Spiritual faith appeared in our discussion as a faith which is based on our belief in a higher self or higher order to the Universe. This type of faith hinges on an understanding that “it all works”. That there is a larger order to things, and that our purpose is to find where we fit into that order. One of the ways that we can do this is to simply “jump in and flow” with the tide of events. It was suggested that if you have not found that feeling of “finding home”, you should maintain faith that there will be an answer to whatever is going on in your life. That things occur as they are supposed to, and that no matter where you are walking, you are on the right path.

Sometimes, situations can arise that shake our faith in this Grand Plan. How do we know that we are on the right path? We each may choose different ways to assure ourselves that we are moving in the right direction: some of us devote attention to taking better care of themselves, or making different decisions. For some, it involves listening to their Higher Power or intuition. For many, they know they’re on the right path because it just “feels right.” It was observed in continuing this line of thought, we need to pay attention to when something feels wrong as well, as this intuitive warning system may be able to prevent us from continuing down a wrong path.

Others believed that there is no such thing as a “wrong” path - that we can ever be in the wrong place, and that we will always be where we need to be to learn what we need to learn.  An example of this was given by a member who lost job after 30 years of service. He was scared. What would he do now? But as events unfolded, he saw that everything fell into place.  This experience has taught him to believe that things happen the way they are supposed to happen, and may not necessarily be what we have planned.

Someone stated: Without faith, you cannot have hope. When it came to the subject of hope and faith, we asked if it was possible to have one without the other. One participant said that he thought that hope must come first, before we can have faith. It was noted that within 12-step programs, such as AA, that people are asked to get rid of their expectations. We discussed whether expectations were the same thing as hope. One member said that she tries not to have expectations, and that this helps her avoid having her expectations go unmet.

As story from Perceptions was used as an example of the metaphysical aspect of how our expectations manifest, sometimes despite what we hope for:

“Let me tell you a little story told to me by my first teacher. A woman reading the Scripture is moved by the words, "If you had the faith of a mustard seed, you could move a mountain into the sea." She thought these were holy words and faith could do all things.

While reflecting, somewhat EUPHORIC, out her garden window, she noticed the pile of leaves she had raked together earlier in the day. Thinking of the Scripture, the words so fresh and strong, as if looking for a chance to be proven or expressed, she thought, "If faith can move mountains, then I believe I can move that pile of leaves." She went to bed that night with faith that the leaves would be gone. When she woke in the morning, she rushed to her garden window. With a sigh she said, "Just as I thought, they're still there."

Faith is this case is a confidence that something will happen.

image credit: loadpaper.com

This prompted another member to discuss the need for Faith + Works. The idea that faith needs works; that nothing will simply be handed to a person because they have faith. He used the example of mountain climbers who set out to scale Mount Everest. They can have faith that they will make it to the top, but they must also put forth the effort (the works) to get there. Someone in the group said: “You’re never really lost unless you give up.”

What is faith? Faith is something in our minds and in our souls, our way of life, and our beliefs.

Can we say experiential and spiritual faith go hand in hand? In a way all faiths go hand in hand and we are capable of having more than one kind of faith at the same time. In fact we are all connected in the word faith.

Expect miracles.

Judgment

Sunday Service Discussion Notes for October 14 and October 21, 2012

For two weeks we discussed the subject of Judgment, as we referred to chapter 6 of Perceptions, a book written by UMS founder Damien Simpson.

We started off our discussion reading from Perceptions, and one passage called out the differences between Judgment and Discernment:

"Your judgments could have nothing to do with the truth, they are just your judgments. The most important of all is the "Last Judgment." You will look back at your life and see what you have or have not done with that life. All the judgments you have placed on others will stand before you and by those judgments you will be judged. It is written, "Judge not and you will not be judged." 

Discernment, on the other hand, is a gift of the Spirit. It allows you to know where YOU should or should not identify yourself without needing the belief that someone different is wrong. You judge whether an experience or a thing is right or wrong for you without thinking or saying what is right or wrong for another."

We talked about how we often find ourselves suffering from the Why-can't-everyone-be-like-me? disease, and how this can cause us to judge others when they don't think and act like we do. We discussed that while it can be frustrating and even upsetting if others do not think or act like us, that the alternative, which would be to have everyone thinking and acting alike, would be even less desirable. As Damien stated, "If twelve people think alike, eleven are unnecessary."

Many people noted that it was sometimes easier for us to judge those who are closest to us. We felt that this may be due to the greater influence on our feelings caused by our loved ones. When we care deeply for a person, our interactions with them are more intense, and therefore when they take an action that harms themselves or the relationship, we judge more quickly because we have more at stake in this situation than we would have with an acquaintance or a stranger.

We agreed that we were less likely to make blanket judgments about others if we have knowledge of the other person's situation and history, interaction with the other person, and empathy for them. We saw that stereotyping people can be an easy way out - it is simpler for our minds to place people into broad, clean categories, than it is for us to really get to know someone.

We may judge others based on unrelated past events, creating a false correlation in our minds, whether consciously or not. One example given involved people's names. We may have a bad experience with someone, and then in the future, we may meet another person with that same name as the original transgressor, and already have a bad taste in our mouth for a new person that we barely know, due to the association of negative experiences with their name. Much like stereotypes (mentioned above), our mind may decide, "If one person with this name/age/religion is that way, they are all that way."

It is best, we said, to simply enjoy what we experience with and learn from another person. We should not demand or expect, but see them as another human working through their shortcomings, good or bad. In this way we won't miss the good that could come from a so-called "bad" person, or be disappointed from expectations not met from a so-called "good" person. A quote was shared from The Nature of Personal Reality, A Seth Book by Jane Roberts, that advises us to consider that our fellow human beings are each contending with their own issues:

"Your own consciousness is embarked upon a reality that basically can be experienced by no other, that is unique and untranslatable, with its own meaning, following its own paths of becoming. You share an existence with others who are experiencing their own journeys in their own ways, and you have journeying in common, then. Be kind to yourself and your companions."

Our judgments of others are useless because they come from our own personal experience of reality, and the reality of another person inherently cannot be the same as ours. What is real for us is not real for them. We can only judge what is right and good for ourselves, not for others.

We also noted that our judgments of others can reflect what we fear or hate about ourselves. What do we hope to gain from judging others? A sense of greater self-worth? Judgment is an action that harms both parties. We harm ourselves by limiting our perspective, but how do we harm others? We should ask ourselves, how do we feel when we are judged? We agreed that when we are judged that we feel stressed out, afraid, and worried. So when we judge others, we must be aware that we are now the cause of another person experiencing those negative feelings.

Image credit: richarddiedrichs.blogspot.com

We talked about the ways that our behavior can be affected by our fear of being judged by others. The story of The Emperor's New Clothes stood out as a good example - we all recalled the emperor, so ashamed that he was not able to see the clothes, as he was told by the fraudulent "tailors" that the cloth was invisible to stupid people, that he chose to walk through town naked for fear that he would seen as stupid if he admitted that he could not see his new garments. The same happened to his ministers and even the townsfolk; they feared to speak out, lest others think they were stupid as well. Finally, a child, too young to understand judgment, cried out that the emperor was naked, and this caused crown to begin to admit that they too, saw nothing, cementing the emperor's humiliation before everyone. To what lengths will we go because we are afraid of being judged?

We agreed that we will all be judged. The question is: what do we do when we this happens? Will we allow ourselves to be molded by society, family, coworkers, or friends because of this judgment? Because of expectations of what the norm should be? What is normal, anyway? We decided that when we are judged, we should try to use the situation as a learning experience - to teach us about other people, and to grow ourselves.

Forgiveness

Sunday Service Discussion Notes for September 9, September 16,  September 23 and September 30, 2012

For four weeks we discussed the subject of Forgiveness, as we referred to chapter 5 of Perceptions, a book written by UMS founder Damien Simpson.

Week 1: September 9, 2012

Here are some thoughts that were shared during the first week of our discussion:

Without forgiveness, you cannot have love. Love causes change, it does not demand it.

"To err is human; to forgive, divine." ~from "Essay on Criticism" by Alexander Pope

"Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do." ~Luke 23:34

Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

It takes energy to hold a grudge. Imagine picking up a sack of potatoes every time we don't
forgive. Our burden gets heavier and heavier.

We give others power over us when we hold onto a grudge.

How can we forgive? We can accept and let go. We can have compassion for the other person, and what they might be experiencing as well. We can say: "It is what it is"

When someone feels wronged, a relationship can feel irreparably broken, and easy to discard. But like a child who has broken his brand new toy, would it not be better to just try to fix the toy so that we can enjoy it like we meant to in the first place, rather than simply throwing it out? We begin relationships because they bring us happiness - would we not rather return to that state by forgiving those who have injured us than choosing to hold the anger and do without the enjoyment of the friendship?

Our discussion facilitator, Lara, shared with us a book by author Mark Anthony Lord called The Seven Living Words, which contains a section on forgiveness. The author uses a structure he calls The Forgiveness Circles as a framework for focusing our energy on forgiving everyone in our lives, from the very impersonal establishments and institutions of the world, all the way down to forgiving our very selves. Each day we are challenged to focus on forgiving people or groups in each circle, starting at the center and working our way out, and the author suggests specific prayers aimed at the likely possible resentments we may be holding against each.

Week 2: September 16, 2012

What happens when we do not forgive? We can become physically ill. It can cause many of us to "self medicate" through substance abuse or other addictive or compulsive behaviors. It can change the way we might otherwise live. And does this only affect us? It does not. Our anger and frustration seep out of us and have an effect on the people around us, especially the people closest to us.

One of the first people we need to forgive is ourselves. When we hold on to mistakes we have made, or negative self-perceptions, we are actively reversing any progress we might be making in our spiritual evolution.

As in week one of this discussion, the point was again made that forgiveness relieves you of your burdens, allowing you more freedom to carry on with your true pursuits.

Why do we not forgive? Perhaps we have trouble seeing things from the other person's perspective. If we make an effort to understand where another person is coming from, we may be able to be more compassionate for that person, and this can pave the way to forgiveness.

The Book of Luke 23:34 was quoted: "Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do." This says to us that forgiveness is a process which starts in the very midst of the injustice. It was noted that Jesus forgave his tormentors during his crucifixion, not later, after apologies had been made, or therapy had been received. We should strive to forgive immediately. Lara shared with us the story of a man whose wife and two children were killed by a drunk driver, and how this man chose to forgive the driver right at that moment. You can see Chris Williams, the man who forgave, talk about his experience by clicking here.

Week 3: September 23, 2012

Not forgiving is like a cluttered house: you are completely filled with thoughts of the past, and there is no room left for any new thoughts to be let in.

Many of us may not forgive because we feel that to forgive a wrong that was done to us is tantamount to saying that the offense did not occur at all. We find it difficult for this to agree with our personal sense of justice - if forgiveness means a denial of wrongdoing, then we refuse to forgive. The problem with never forgiving is that eventually there will be no one left who has never done us wrong and we will find ourselves alone in the world. We must realize that forgiveness allows us to acknowledge that we indeed were hurt by the actions of another, but that we have chosen to continue on our journey without carrying that hurt with us as a burden that will ultimately be of no use to either party.

If we forgive someone for hurting us in the past, does that mean that we are giving that person a license to continue to do so in the future? No. We can forgive a person for their transgressions against us, and we can use this forgiveness as a way to divest ourselves of the harmful baggage given to us by the other person, and this will allow us to move on, and remove ourselves from a bad situation so that we may avoid being hurt again. If we do not forgive, we are setting ourselves up to experience a recurring negative situation, as we are not able to move forward. In this way we can unknowingly become "stuck" in a loop of negative energy, that we are maintaining by our refusal to let go.

Sometimes the behavior of others may baffle us. Why is he doing this to me? Why is she acting like that? We should make the effort to try to understand the circumstances surrounding the other person which are causing them to act in a certain way. If we are able to view a situation from another person's perspective, we will be much closer to being able to forgive them for their actions.

A quote was shared from a book called The Nature of Personal Reality, A Seth Book by Jane Roberts:

"Your own consciousness is embarked upon a reality that basically can be experienced by no other, that is unique and untranslatable, with its own meaning, following its own paths of becoming. You share an existence with others who are experiencing their own journeys in their own ways, and you have journeying in common, then. Be kind to yourself and your companions." This reminds us that each of our fellow human beings is living out an existence that can only completely make sense to that person, and because of this we should have compassion for others, as every individual is, in this way, in the same boat. We should not make assumptions about what others should or should not do or feel, because there is no way for us to truly experience the world in the same way as any other person."

Week 4: September 30, 2012

During the final week of this discussion we talked about trust, as it relates to forgiveness.

Trust is not built overnight. Because we have forgiven someone, this does not mean that we immediately trust them again. It takes time to mend and rebuild trust. Forgiveness is given freely and is unconditional; Trust must be earned. Forgiveness allows you to let go of the past; Trust is built up in the future.

Forgiveness should not be dependent upon the other person. We should not wait for apologies, or for the other party to change their ways before we forgive them. We forgive others not to grant them a favor, but to heal ourselves. Forgiveness benefits our own well being; our mental and emotional health.

When we forgive, our burdens are lifted and we are once again made whole so that we may walk a path of Love.

Experiences

Sunday Service Discussion Notes for August 26 and September 2, 2012

For two weeks we discussed the subject of Experiences, as we referred to chapter 4 of Perceptions, a book written by UMS founder Damien Simpson.

To kick off the discussion, some definitions were read as food for thought:

• Experience: the apprehension of an object, thought, or motion through the sense of mind. An event or series of events participated in or lived through.
• Apprehension: the fearful anticipation of the future. The act of seizing.
• Apprehend: to take into custody, to grasp, to understand.

 Several passages were quoted the relevant chapter of Perceptions.

One participant stated that experiences are learning opportunities. He gave an example of the way "near misses" with other ships at sea are always recorded as a way of learning from these incidents in the future. Even these close calls are learning opportunities. It was said that, "You can't become old and wise until you have been young and stupid."

We asked the question, "When are experiences bad?" One person said they can be bad when we don't welcome the experience. We profit from all experiences, good, bad, and neutral, although this prompted another person to raise the question, "Why do we need to judge experiences as either good or bad at all?"

Many agreed that all forms of energy will out themselves in one way or another. It can manifest in a constructive way, but if restricted or suppressed, it can burst out in a disruptive way, like a car accident.  If you are in the wrong place at the wrong time, you could be the recipient of such a burst of repressed energy.

We asked: What sort of events do you invite into your life based upon the type of energy you are putting out? Do we know? How does a very young child have the tools to know how to prevent a bad event? Some of us thought that through reincarnation that we set up life circumstances and lessons for ourselves, and that these may sometimes be difficult or unpleasant. Others thought that we cannot control the events themselves, but we can only control how we respond to them. One participant pointed out that even the horrible things that happen in life help to mold you into the person you are today. Another stated that we can try to learn from our experiences, and that we have a choice as to whether we react positively or negatively. He gave an example of two people he knew who had experienced a similar terrible event in their lives, and talked about how each of them had responded to it very differently, with one person turning to addiction as an escape, and other using the experience as a tool to help others deal with the same type of trauma.

Damien was quoted as saying, "It's not what you're looking at, it's what you're looking through."  People can be present for the same event and experience it different ways. Our experiences are colored by our perceptions. Someone noted that they tried to remember when having difficulty with another person, that they have no idea what the other person has been through. He stated that he used this reminder to keep himself in check when he might say something rash when he does not know the whole story. Another member noted that our opinion of a person may be different than someone else's opinion, based on our two different sets of experiences with that person. He gave an example of a family member who was held in low regard by many in his family. He talked about how their experiences with this person had been negative, so they all held poor opinions of him. His experiences, on the other hand, had been very positive, so he saw this family member from a completely different perspective. Our experiences with others can influence your relationships, which in turn can influence the path they take.

How often do we create our own experiences? We are reminded to be specific in our prayers, because tomorrow we may be praying to get out of what we prayed to get into today.

What do we do with experiences after they are done? Our facilitator, Lara, described a dream she had in which she was carrying around a backpack. She kept collecting stones to put in the backpack along her journey, and it became heavier and heavier. There came a time where she needed to take her leave of the place she was in, but the only exit was too high for her to reach. She had to decide to take the stones out of her pack, and when she did this, she was able to float away and leave as she pleased. What are the stones you carry in your backpack? With them, you are heavy and cumbersome. Without them you can float. Problems happen when we can't let go of old experiences. Where are you putting your energy? Are you using it to carry the stones or to fly to freedom?

"Most of the shadows of this life come from our standing in the way of your own sunshine." ~Emerson

Misconceptions, Preconceptions, and Assumptions

Sunday Service Discussion Notes for August 5 and August 12, 2012

Over the course of two weeks we discussed the ideas of Misconceptions, Preconceptions, and Assumptions.

We started the discussion by reading some brief definitions of these words:

• Misconception: a mistaken view, belief, or wrong idea.
• Preconception: an opinion formed before obtaining adequate evidence, especially as the result of bias or prejudice.
• Assumption: the act of taking for granted, or supposing a thing without proof; a supposition; an unwarrantable claim.

The root of all evil is fear. President Franklin Roosevelt's famous quote was cited:

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."

UMS founder Damien Simpson was quoted as saying:

"Prejudice is being down on something that you are not up on."

One of our participants talked about a discussion he was having with a Muslim coworker not long after the tragedy of September 11th. As they discussed the idea of preconceptions about groups of people based on the actions of a few, or even one person, his associate said to him, "If Al Queda represents Islam, then the KKK must represent Christianity."

Another participant related stories of how she grew up in a time and place of very prevalent racial prejudice. She talked about all of the negative things she would hear one group saying about another, and that she had to always try to make decisions about others only after consulting with her heart, because if she were only to use the ideas of others to guide her then she would be likely to misjudge people.

If we have an opinion about something we owe it to ourselves to learn as much as we can about it, and to do so with an open mind. We said that we should not make generalizations because they lead to unfair blame, stereotypes, and scapegoating.

What do we do about hatred based on fear? It starts with ourselves. We must look within to change what we see without. What we think, we manifest.

It was noted that sometime, we, as a people can become stuck in a rut, and certain assumptions can become so ingrained that sudden, jarring events of great magnitude, such as the recent shooting at the Sikh temple, or a tragedy such as September 11th, become the only means to wake people up. People are forced to examine their beliefs. We talked about the need to be aware that many of the things we fear are sensationalized by society and the media for ratings and profits. We must take the time to examine what we perceive within the grand scheme of things, and realize that what is being suggested to us may not be as bad as it sounds.

We observed that Fear and Excitement are very similar energies.

God did not give us the spirit of fear, but of power, love, and sound mind.

Fear

Sunday Service Discussion Notes for July 29, 2012

During this discussion we talked about the topic of Fear.

Fear is universal. It is something we all experience from time to time.

We can be fearful that we do not measure up: that we are not thin enough, good enough, or pretty enough. We can be afraid of pain, rejection, or loneliness. Many of these fears can move us to act.

Fear is lack of knowledge.

F.E.A.R. stands for False Energies Appearing Real. Fear is not knowing; ignorance.

Package designed to create fear that will prompt a purchase.

In our culture we are manipulated through the use of fear. Advertisements and marketing use fear as a tool to compel us to purchase products, or cast our votes a certain way. Many of the implications in such fear-based suggestions can be unreal. The idea of buying insurance was one example given of this method of mass persuasion. Advertisements for insurance are often designed to make the consumer feel fearful of what will happen if they fail to purchase this service.

Motivation through fear.

Some of our fears come from our environment. We can learn a variety of fears, great and small from our families, teachings that we absorb during our formative years, from politics, and even religion. We can observe others being fearful, and if those others are people who we trust or respect, we may decide that we, too, should be fearful of the same things, assuming that these people know best.

We can even program ourselves to be fearful based on our own experiences. Perhaps we have a personal interaction or relationship that goes awry. We may now assume that all such interactions in the future will be the same poor experience, and become fearful of involving ourselves in anything similar again. The truth is, we cannot know for sure that each future experience will turn out in the same way as previous situations.

We asked : How can we conquer fear? Many of us agreed that we must be courageous and face our fears head-on. When we do this, we will find that the experience is much less frightening than we expected. We should logically think of the probability of a bad outcome, as we will many times realize that it is actually quite unlikely that anything bad will happen.

Hold Love first in your heart, and not Fear.

Courage

Sunday Service Discussion Notes for July 15 and July 22, 2012

For two weeks we discussed the subject of Courage.

Courage is the ability to confront fear, pain, danger, uncertainty, or intimidation. To stand up even when you stand alone.

Examples were given of world events such as the Enron and Barclays Bank scandals. Whistle-blowers spoke out when they saw wrongdoing, even though they knew that despite laws that exist to protect them, that they would face potentially harmful repercussions. Courage is when you see that others are doing wrong, but you choose to do the right thing. To not do this is cowardice.

We can train ourselves to be courageous by beginning with small acts of bravery. It is not necessary for it to be a momentous event for us to demonstrate courage. It could be something much more mundane. For example, if you see your group of friends making disparaging remarks about another person, you can have the courage to stand up and say that you feel it is wrong to talk negatively about someone else. If we practice these small acts on a more regular basis, once we arrive at larger situations that require courage, we will have more skill at it.

This raised the question:  Is it harder to be courageous for the large events or the smaller ones? Sometimes even the more insignificant seeming events may be harder because there is the feeling that this situation isn't important enough to bother making the effort to be courageous.

Another example was given of a fraternity president who cancelled the infamous "hell week" initiation period for his organization, and substituted a week of philanthropic work. He received a lot of push-back for this change, but he showed the courage to move forward with actions that he thought were right despite of the criticism he faced. We have to be willing to take the chance. A courageous person is not so concerned with what other people think; with the possible repercussions of their act. Or perhaps they are concerned, but they do it anyways, in spite of their fears.

The topic of Courage, Lance, our facilitator noted, correlates with Comfort/Discomfort discussion we had in June. He quoted from a blog by Keith Hicks, entitled: It Takes Courage to Grow, saying "All growth happens outside the comfort zone."

Some of us stated that they can get help in being courageous from prayer, repeating a mantra or chanting. Lance said that this brought to mind an Oprah interview in which she was talking to rapper 50 Cent, in which he said that one can either decide to pray or to worry, but that it is no good to do both.



We agreed that worry is counterproductive. The more you think about a problem, the worse it gets. The anxiety you create by worrying is probably worse than facing the problem. Lara gave an example of this that revolved around how she had put off telling her best friend that she was planning her vacation to Istanbul. She was afraid that this news would upset her friend, due to her friend's emphatic negative reaction when Lara picked up a book on Istanbul in a bookstore during the initial stages where she was deciding on a location for her trip. She didn't want to deal with the confrontation, but she discovered that this secret was making all of her interactions with her friend difficult: she had to entirely avoid a topic of conversation every time they would interact, on a subject that was prominent in her life at the moment. She finally mustered the courage to get it over with and tell her friend that she was going o Istanbul for vacation. To her surprise, her friend was fairly supportive and dealt with the revelation with a sense of humor. She noted that this scenario shows us how things won't be nearly as bad as you imagine they will be, when you envision the consequences of taking a courageous action.

A final example was given by Lance to show how we can gain courage by taking small steps. He talked about a time in his life when he was laid off and had a sudden need to interview for new jobs. He was worried about his interview skills because he had worked at his previous position for so long that had no recent interview experience. He began to receive solicitations for interview training courses, and he was so worried that he thought maybe he would need something like this. But soon he began to get lots of short term project jobs, and because of this frequent change in employment, he was able gain experience interviewing. From this, he learned that when you are afraid, and feel like you have no experience in doing something, that you should just do it! We can get experience doing the thing you fear again and again and  we will discover that it will become easier with repetition.

Synchronicity

Sunday Service Discussion Notes for July 1 and July 8, 2012

For two weeks we discussed the subject of Synchronicity.

What is Synchronicity? It is defined as: "The experience of two or more events that are apparently causally unrelated or unlikely to occur together by chance, yet are experienced as occurring together in a meaningful manner. The concept of synchronicity was first described in this terminology by Carl Gustav Jung, a Swiss psychologist, in the 1920s"

What do we think synchronicity means to us? A very basic idea of what the concept meant to Carl Jung, who coined the term is as follows: "Following discussions with both Albert Einstein and Wolfgang Pauli, Jung believed that there were parallels between synchronicity and aspects of relativity theory and quantum mechanics. Jung was transfixed by the idea that life was not a series of random events but rather an expression of a deeper order, which he and Pauli referred to as Unus mundus. This deeper order led to the insights that a person was both embedded in an orderly framework and was the focus of that orderly framework and that the realisation of this was more than just an intellectual exercise, but also having elements of a spiritual awakening. From the religious perspective, synchronicity shares similar characteristics of an "intervention of grace". Jung also believed that in a person's life, synchronicity served a role similar to that of dreams, with the purpose of shifting a person's egocentric conscious thinking to greater wholeness."

Our group had many personal examples to share with us of synchronous events that had occurred in their lives:

Lara recalled the time in her life when she was considering a move to Chicago - everywhere she looked, there were references to the city, as if the universe were reassuring her that this was the right move to make. One day she was attending a Highland Scottish Festival with a friend of hers and she was explaining to her friend this Chicago phenomenon. Her friend brushed it off as coincidence, but just a few moments later, as her and her friend went to view a bagpipe performance, the first pipe band up to play was from Chicago, as if to prove to her that she was not imagining things and reading into normal coincidences.

Neils discussed his lake house back east, where he said that at an earlier visit, he had discovered that a very large tree had fallen into the lake. He tasked a local man to haul the tree out of the lake and dispose of it, but various circumstances prevented this undertaking from being completed. The next time he visited the house there had recently been extensive, and seasonally uncommon rains, causing the lake to flood, and the tree to float to the surface. Now they were easily able to haul it out of the lake with a rope and cut it up into firewood. What were the odds that they would happen to be at the house just in time for the flooding, when they had no idea who they would have gotten the offending tree out of the lake otherwise?

Richard remembered when his brother, who was born in 1937, passed away. Suddenly Richard began seeing 37s everywhere that he happened to look at numbers: Restaurant receipts, addresses, phone numbers. During a phone call with his sister, she said that she was experiencing the same thing, and they both decided that their brother was trying to send a message to them. At a psychic fair which took place after this had been going on, he received a message through a medium from his mother and the first thing she said was that his brother was OK, which was not a normal conversational gambit from her, to be so direct about such a subject.

An example cited by more than one UMS member concerned a time when the church building was undergoing a remodel. The city inspectors insisted that the building have at least two restrooms, so that there would be both a ladies' and a men's room. As church members scratched their heads, wondering how they would rectify this issue on their already limited budget, a man drove by and introduced himself as a plumber. He said that he had just come from a job and had two toilets he didn't end up using, and wanted to know if anyone would be interested in buying them at a very low price, as he needed to be rid of them. Perfect timing!

A fun example was read from the book: Synchronicity & You, by Frank Joseph :

"Few motion pictures were more plagued with production nightmares than the 1939 version of The Wizard of Oz.  Among the lesser, although vexing, problems confronting Victor Fleming (one of five directors associated with the film) was something as simple as locating the right kind of coat for the traveling fortune-teller to wear. Incredibly, the studio did not possess a single frock coat that fit Frank Morgan, who portrayed Professor Marvel, or satisfied Fleming. He gave an ultimatum to the head of the props department, saying, "Bring me the coat I want after lunch, or you're fired!" Production had already gone far over budget, so falling behind now on its shooting schedule would result in the film's cancellation. In a panic, the props chief ran from the lot and sprinted several miles to the nearest pawn shop. There, in the back room, he found an old black coat he hoped would pacify the director. It looked about the right size, too. He returned in time for the shoot to find that the long-tailed coat fit actor Morgan perfectly and met Fleming's specifications. Months later, after filming and editing were completed and all the props were collected and returned to storage, the coat used for Professor Marvel's part hit a bureaucratic snag. The item was not in the Warner Brothers stock catalogue, and the prop chief had to explain how and where he obtained it. Turning the collar up to sew in a company label, he was surprised to find a tag bearing the name of its former owner. It read simply, "L. Frank Baum," author of the original Wizard of Oz series of children's books. Baum had already been dead for twenty years, so he could not appreciate this meaningful coincidence, made all the more intriguing because he personally identified with the character who wore the coat, Professor Marvel. The connection was appropriate, nevertheless, in that the 1939 film version did more to popularize his life's work that any publishing effort could have."

We had many questions about this phenomenon:

What counts as a synchronicity? Premonitions? Dreams? Repetition within a short span of time of the same numbers, words or phrases, objects?

Are all these incidents and occurrences happening because we are looking for them, or are they there all the time and it is up to us to use them and open ourselves to them? Or perhaps, are we simply catching an unfettered glimpse of the unifying underlying structure of the universe when our ego consciousness momentarily quiets down? We all had different opinions of which idea was closest to truth, and some of us allowed that it could be any or all of these things, depending on the situation.

During the first week of the discussion the question was asked, "What is the difference between a coincidence, a synchronicity, and a miracle?" When Rochelle, the facilitator of this discussion, was contemplating this question, she received an answer "out of the blue," that was posed as another question to her, "What is the difference between a wave and a tsunami?" The answer was: Magnitude.

The more we take note of synchronicities, the more of them we will see. The universe will show itself to us if we are willing to see it. We talked about how we have to let go of trying to control every aspect of our lives and  let the synchronicities of the world help us.

Synchronicity is a way that we can experience oneness with the universe.

"I knew I shoulda took that left turn at Albuquerque."

One participant provided an apt metaphor: We are now used to using GPS systems in our cars or on our phones. If we have set out GPS to provide us with directions to a destination, and we you go the wrong way, the GPS will re-direct us until we get where we are supposed to go. The farther off track from the destination we get, the longer and more difficult it will be to get back to the correct path. Synchronicities may be like warnings or guidance trying to nudge us onto the right path. The whole system is self-correcting. If you miss the clues, they will come around again.

We suggested the possibility of keeping a synchronicity journal, so that we may see larger patterns that we are unable to notice when we only look at each small instance separately, especially those instances where we cannot immediately see a meaning behind the event. Not only could we discover larger patterns among our synchronicities, but we would be able to take note of recurring types of incidents that may be specific to us, personally.

How can we interpret the meanings behind these events? Frank Joseph, in the book mentioned above in the Wizard of Oz story, says, "To scrutinize something like synchronicity is to diminish it. We murder when we dissect. In trying to understand the phenomenon, the degree to which we analyze it determines how it either divulges itself or escapes up. Indeed, it is less important that we consciously understand a meaningful coincidence than that we allow ourselves to feel it. What we may never understand intellectually we more certainly grasp subconsciously, with other ways of knowing. People long in contact with synchronous events believe humans have more ways of knowing than most of us realize. they regard the rational mind as a jealous tyrant at all times, who, afraid of losing control, needs to dominate all things at all times and refuses to recognize our intuitive capacity for knowledge through feeling. A concertgoer who confines his attention to the scientific principles of air set in motion through certain vibrations generated by wooden and metal instruments will hear various frequencies of sound, but no music."

As Rev. Jess said at the end of this discussion, "The answers are all there in the æther, until you ask the questions, the knowledge means nothing to you."

Comfort and Discomfort

Sunday Service Discussion Notes for June 17 and June 24, 2012

For two weeks we centered our discussion around the subject of Comfort and Discomfort.

It is sometimes said that life does not begin until we are uncomfortable. "Beyond this point there be dragons," as the maps of the old would caution about sailing into uncharted territory.

What makes us uncomfortable? For some of us it is envy - we see others around us who have things that we would like to have, or are living in a way that we wish we could enjoy ourselves. Many of us are made uncomfortable when other people try to make us believe like they do; we do not enjoy when others attempt to foist their agenda upon us. Some of us are uncomfortable if we perceive that others may not like us. A common thread here is that many of the things that bring discomfort come from other people, or more to the point, our reactions to, and interpretations of, the actions of these people. We can bring discomfort upon ourselves through how we choose to respond to the world at large. Shakespeare wrote, in Hamlet,  "There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so." We can build with our thoughts and feelings our own internal prison, much like Hamlet had done with how he felt about Denmark.

Why do these things make us uncomfortable? Fear was cited as a leading factor. We may be afraid that people will not like us, or will not approve of us. Perhaps we see a bit of ourselves in the people who make us most uncomfortable. Deepak Chopra said: "The people you react to most strongly, whether with love or hate, are projections of your inner world. What you most hate is what you most deny in yourself."

One suggestion to aid us in our evolution was to "Become comfortable with discomfort." To become comfortable is to say, "It is what it is." To accept reality at face value and not strain against the flow of things.

We tend to think of comfort as a positive thing, and discomfort as a negative. However, we noted that comfort is not positive if it is in complacency. Too much comfort may cause stagnation, can dull our senses and blind us to realities that may be obvious to everyone else. Maintaining the status quo does not do much to motivate us to grow.

Sometimes we need to choose between two paths - the comfortable and the uncomfortable. We agreed that we need to choose the path that will give us growth, and perhaps even benefit others. Our facilitator, Lara, shared a story about how she had to make a choice about the health insurance that was provided by her employer. On one hand there was the ever-present worry of, "What do I do if I really get sick or injured? How will I pay for the care I need?" and on the other hand there was the daunting expense of the insurance premiums that would be deducted from her pay. After chewing on this decision for quite some time, she came to the conclusion that she would simply not be able to afford the insurance and would have to do without, stating that she would do her best to take very good care of herself physically so that she could avoid getting sick. Her employer (and good friend) was very distraught upon hearing this and felt strongly that Lara needed to have health insurance. After some time had passed, she discovered that her employer is now announcing that they will be covering 100% of their staff's insurance. Her friend was so affected on a personal level that she moved to push through this change at her place of business. Not only did Lara's decision eventually result in a turn-around that allowed her to have insurance, but all of the other employees at her company are now also afforded this opportunity as well. As we can see, her choice to take an uncomfortable path (doing without insurance) resulted in a positive outcome for both herself and others.

We discussed the idea of approaching discomfort with courage instead of fear. We can create for ourselves a comfortable bubble, but then we can break through it into discomfort. As we conquer the new, uncomfortable situation, we will eventually create yet another comfort bubble that we can break through again, each time creating growth.

After much talk of embracing discomfort, we then arrived at the question, "How much discomfort is healthy?" For example: if we saw a child playing in a busy street this would certainly make us uncomfortable. But we have been talking about not being afraid of discomfort. Surely something is awry here.  We agreed that we need to find a balance in our lives between comfort and discomfort, and to be able to recognize when an overabundance of either state could be damaging. Other examples of times when discomfort should not be ignored or weathered were given:  perhaps a work relationship has become inappropriate, or we are dealing with emotional pain that should not be ignored.

One participant gave an example of how discomfort can sometimes prevent us from achieving our ends. She discussed how, although she is currently (comfortably) employed, she was searching for a new job. She stated how she saw potential opportunities pass her by because she was uncomfortable applying for certain positions out of fear that she might not be experienced with everything listed in the job ad, how the potential employers might reject her, and assumptions about the flooded pool of job candidates in the current market who would be edging her out of the competition. She realized that she needed to push through her discomfort and simply apply for the jobs, or she would never achieve the "big break" she was seeking.

Another story was shared about taking chances and believing that they will work out. A participant talking about how at one point in her life, she had made a decision to move to Chicago, a place she had never lived before and knew next to nothing about. She drove out there with no specific plan, just wanting to explore the area and see where the world would take her. She was driving through various areas of the city and not really liking the neighborhoods she was seeing, and was feeling a bit disheartened. Soon, however, as the road curved in a different direction, she found herself in a new area that appealed to her immensely. She confidently reported to her sister that she had found the neighborhood where she was going to live and the place where she was going to work. She applied for a job at the university, and was hired shortly thereafter. Her lesson in this was that we need to take the leap of faith. Where we are supposed to be, we will be.

The old adage, "Nothing ventured, nothing gained," seemed to resonate with many in attendance for this discussion. One person told us how he had been entertaining the idea of starting his own business. After a long period of rationalizing why he couldn't proceed in one aspect or another, he stated that after attending the first week of this discussion topic, he was prompted to really think about how his personal discomfort with the new experience was essentially preventing him from taking the first steps and breaking new ground for his business. Because of this he decided that it was time for him to move outside of his comfort zone and get started with his plans.

A final story was mentioned, that one person felt was an analogy for the themes of comfort and discomfort with regard to growth. This person had a rose bush in their yard. They knew they should prune the bush, but felt inexplicably guilty at the prospect of doing so, imagining that they were "hurting" the plant by cutting off parts of it.  Despite these feelings, they did prune the rose, and have noted that since then there was a burst of new growth, and that the new leaves and stems were bigger than before and more healthy looking. This is a good example of the principle that "If no action is taken, no growth will be had."

Whose Life Are You Living?: Part 2

Sunday Service Discussion Notes for June 10, 2012

Sunday June 10th we concluded our discussion on Whose Life Are You Living? The summary for Part 1 of this discussion may be found here.

We asked the question, "How do we know when listening to others is better for you than what you want?" Lara, our facilitator for this discussion, shared a thought from author and Jungian Analyst James Hollis: One of the questions we need to ask ourselves when we consider whether we are being authentic, and whose advice we need to heed to achieve this end is "Does this experience make you larger or smaller?" We agreed that it can sometimes be very difficult to tell whether it is best to listen to ourselves or to take the advice of others in a given situation. There may be times when we are not fully self-aware, or possibly in denial of the reality of a situation, and our inner voice may not be giving us helpful direction.

The Gifts of Imperfection is a book by author Brené Brown, in which she offers guidance on the daily practice of letting go of who we think we should be and seeing what we are. She writes, “Wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough.  It’s going to bed at night thinking,Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging.”

The question was raised: How important is it for you to be right? A story was shared about a person who was involved in a car accident, and the insurance company decided that this person was at fault. This person's friends are encouraging her to take the other driver to court over the issue, to prove that the insurance company and the other driver are in the wrong. She is now faced with choosing to go through the rigmarole of the legal system, which she would like to avoid, in order to vindicate herself, or to simply let the matter go and get on with her life, with the written records indicating that she was in the wrong, even though she does not feel that this is the case. She is asking herself, "Do you want to be right, or happy? Is right feeling good or is it doing good for yourself?"

We wanted to know what is the big question to ask ourselves to know if we are living an authentic life and is it good for us. The first thing we might ask is, "Does it feel good to me?" This prompted one participant to note that it can sometimes be a challenge to know whether "feeling good" is enough to justify a behavior. The example of substance abuse was given - certain actions may feel good to us, but in reality, they may not be beneficial in the long run. How do we know the difference, especially when we are sometimes too close to the situation to be objective. This dilemma gave birth to the next question we can ask, "Is it good for me?" Perhaps if we are able to discern if various actions and behaviors are good for us overall, we can begin to tell the difference between pursuits that feel good, and pursuits that also are good. We decided that if we can answer 'yes' for both of those questions, then we believe we are on the right track.

We finally asked the question "How often do we live our lives outside of our comfort zone?" and decided that this opened up a range of other questions on the matter of comfort and discomfort in our lives, which will be our topic for the next two weeks (June 17th and 24th).